


there is an empty space next to you

by lionheartedgirl



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Gen, because if mara remembers everything, pieces of past incarnations, pre season 5.2, why wouldn't audrey?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 04:50:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10563972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionheartedgirl/pseuds/lionheartedgirl
Summary: Audrey changes (again) after everything happens. After in some ways it ends. After Mara is put back into the bottle and Audrey is all that is left.(That is the lie of course.)





	

Audrey changes (again) after everything happens. After in some ways it ends. After Mara is put back into the bottle and Audrey is all that is left.

(That is the lie of course.)

It’s slow at first. Or maybe that’s just how it seems because no one wants to notice, wants to ask. Because one Audrey and no Mara seems like the solution to everything

(Another lie.)

But the dark circles under her eyes are hard to miss and she moves for her gun too quickly when she hears a noise and she stays at the bar until closing times not wanting to go upstairs, to go home. She mentions names that neither Duke nor Nathan have heard her mention before.

It becomes hard not to notice.

It becomes hard to pretend.

For all of them.

 _She’s a walking diary_ , she tells one of them, too much liquor on her lips.

 _She is a newspaper entry, page after page of them_ , she says when no one is listening. When she is alone.

She has five hundred years of memories in her head (some of them of other people, of people claimed and formed into someone who once looked like her, she has memories of Haven, of her, of them, of troubles, of horrors and death spread out before her), five hundred years of memories and sometimes it’s hard to pick through the pages and find the happy ones.

There _are_ happy ones of course, there is laughter and smiles and friendship and love and a little baby boy who only Lucy really knew.

She flips through the memories in her mind, turns the pages when they get to rough. When she sees the barn, she turns away.

There are things she does not want to remember.

There are memories in her head that do not belong to her and yet—

Ink has formed, written into her mind in calligraphy of what had happened to those who came before her. Of those who had formed who she was.

Her mind is a diary filled with five hundred years of memories and terror and confusion and Audrey wants nothing more than to lock it away.

(This diary has no lock. It spills its secrets while she is busy trying to save the town until her head starts to throb. Until her mind is in the eighteen hundreds and her body is on a bar stool.)

 _I miss dreaming_ , she tells someone.

 _I miss knowing who I am_ , she says to herself, quietly when she is sure no one else is around.

 _I miss being a person_ , she says, and _not a record book._

 _I miss,_ she says.

She doesn’t finish the sentence.

Five hundred years. There were so many things she missed. Even the things that did not belong to her, even the things, the people, that Audrey Parker had never known.


End file.
